Strategy Scorecard

Reward Challenge	Immunity Challenge
The challenge: Boat/Puzzle The reward: Feast/Immunity Winner: Earl, Yau-Man, Casandra, Boo, Edgardo	The challenge: Boat/Puzzle Winner: Earl, Yau-Man, Casandra, Boo, Edgardo Watch the video of River Rats.
Who goes to Exile Island:	Everybody!
Status of alliances:	Earl is still tight with Yau-Man and Casandra. Alex is tight with Edgardo and Stacy. Boo, Mookie and Dreamz don't really have an alliance.
Biggest shake-up?	Merge/Not-merge/No time to strategize

Tribal Council

Most revealing answers:	Alex (Probst seriously needs to stop interfering with the game)
Scapegoat of the week:	Michelle
Foot in mouth award:	Mookie
Surprises?	Michelle getting the boot.
Voted off:	Michelle.

Recap written by HalfAussie

Episode 9: “Are We Living On Exile Island?”

Ravu: Day 22. Ravu is finally free of women! We don’t see it, but I’m sure Alex and Edgardo had a party now that those pesky, stupid, smelly, irrational women are out of the way. I mean, God. The show starts off with Edgardo asking Mookie if he still has the idol, which has me completely baffled. They clearly didn’t use it at the last tribal council because who in their right mind would want to save Lisi? Edgardo wants to see the idol, but Mookie keeps it in his pocket and assures Edgardo that he has been holding it the entire time. Mookie explains to us that the idol is his and his alone, but he will use it to help his alliance if it gets him further. Alex and Edgardo begin to threaten Mookie about misusing the idol. Mookie assures them that he would never let them down. “Dreamz” comes along carrying an armful of pineapples, and Alex explains that they are not going to tell “Dreamz” about the idol, because he has a big fat mouth and will spill the beans.

And then, Moto. Peaceful, wonderful, relaxing Moto. Stingrays frolic and Michelle and Stacy sleep. There is Listerine and there is toilet paper. And then bad news comes in the form of Casandra. They have to bring only their personal belongings(which: what personal belongings?) and paddle to Exile Island. Boo is disappointed that they are leaving Camp Couch, but Michelle, ever the optimist, knows that she can handle whatever is thrown at her, since she lived at Camp Ouch for so long. Over at Ravu, Alex brings back the same treemail. I laugh on the inside as he reads the part about not being able to bring rewards because, in the words of Lisi, they are Lo-o-o-o-sers and haven't won a damn thing. They sit around a small fire and discuss how “Dreamz” is to pull over Casandra, Mookie is to pull over Michelle or Yau-Man and Alex will pull over Stacy. Edgardo, apparently, doesn’t have any friends. Alex goes on to say that they have all made sacrifices by voting off somebody that they were aligned with. Which is stupid because they voted off Anthony (who nobody was aligned with), Rocky (who was a pain in the ass and therefore not a sacrifice) and Lisi (who was a quitter and unpredictable). Shut up, Alex.

Credits! Liliana got more air time in the opening credits than she did on the show. Sad.

The tribes approach Exile Island nervously and Earl wisely interviews that it is unwise to depend on a merge for your plans to go forward and that you have to be concerned about the now and who wants to vote you off tomorrow. Yau-Man happily proclaims that Ravu survived. I’m not sure if he means Ravu beach or Lisi. They all head to the tower on Exile Island where they discover new buffs and a note saying that they have finally merged. I guess Jeff Probst only gets one ‘Drop your buffs’ per season. They are all excited to hear that they will be living at the old Moto camp. Mookie in particular is excited because he is the only person who hasn’t had the Moto experience. Casandra, too, is elated because she doesn’t want to sleep in the dirt like regular Survivors. Alex interviews that he is glad he can finally have a shower and sleep in a bed after seven days. For such a misogynistic twerp, Alex sure is kind of...girly. The dude combs his hair with a fork, for God's sake. After these interviews, its painfully obvious what is next. That’s right, the lap of luxury has been taken away and we can finally watch Survivor as it was meant to be. Dirty, starving and uncomfortable. Hooray! Alex says it is a bad dream. No, you loser, its Survivor.

Everybody gathers to read a new treemail that says they should make a new flag and have a new name. Boo suggests a Fijian word, which I am surprised he knows. Several Fijian words were suggested, such as 'vinaka' (thank you in Fijian & also means 'good', and 'thank you'), and also 'bula' the Fijian equivalent to Hawai'i 'aloha'. The tribe decides on Bula Bula which they incorrectly translates into “Hello Hello”. In Fijian, bula is 'hello' or 'greetings', but bulabula is actually 'good health' such as I am feeling well. Such may be a very appropriate word for Survivor.

Michelle and Stacy volunteer to paint the flag. What is funny here is that Stacy has a big wet spot right on her ass. I guess she didn’t know what to do after they took away her bathroom so she just peed her pants. Classy. While painting the flag, Stacy and Michelle talk a little strategy. Michelle is worried that Stacy is so tight with everybody, but Stacy assures her that, since they are girls and therefore weaker and more pathetic than the big burly men of Ravu, they will be safe. Do not underestimate the willpower of misogynistic men, Stacy!

Earl interviews that he has Michelle, Yau-Man and Casandra with him. Alex interviews that he is ready to fight and make it to the final five. Boo looks around apprehensively. He interviews that he had his little group in the first Moto and he had a little group in the second Moto. Now they have merged and he feels a little lost and left out, so he is going to try and fade into the background a little bit. Mookie does a pretty good job at getting information from Casandra and Yau-Man. Yau-Man says that he is glad Mookie didn’t turn to the dark side, which really does explain how the tribe is divided. People who are awesome (Michelle, Earl, Yau-Man, Casandra and Michelle again) and people who royally suck (Alex, Edgardo, “Dreamz” and Stacy). Unfortunately for Mookie, he uses the lamest name ever for his little alliance. He calls them the ‘Four Horsemen’. Last time I heard, the four horsemen were Pestilence, War, Famine, and Death. I bet Alex came up with that name. They discuss that they want Boo out because, according to Mookie, he stirs things up to much. Which: what the hell? Mookie is the only person who has never spent a day with Boo, so where does he get that from? In any case I begin to worry, because I have a man-crush on Boo. Michelle and Stacy hang the tribe flag, which isn’t bad. Michelle says that it is so cute. I think Michelle is so cute.

“Dreamz”, Alex and Mookie discuss how they want Boo and then Stacy off, which causes Alex to give an uneasy look. Then, out of the blue, Mookie tells “Dreamz” that they found the idol at Ravu. Bad move, dude. Alex, true to his nature, threatens “Dreamz” and points accusingly at him. “Dreamz” tells Alex to shut up, because I’m sure he is sick of Alex’s superiority crap, too. To his credit, Alex makes a good move by telling “Dreamz” that he is very honest. Which Alex isn’t, because he really thinks “Dreamz” just has a big mouth.

Mookie, Alex and Edgardo go for a boat ride or something and Alex childishly tells Edgardo: “By the way, “Dreamz” knows about the idol. Mookie wanted to tell him.” Edgardo is, of course, pissed. They begin to rationalize, saying that “Dreamz” will pull Casandra over. Not if you keep being a jerk to him, ass. Alex then says that Stacy won’t be a threat in the final immunity challenge which makes me throw my arms up in despair as if to say “you sexist asshole”. His misogyny knows no bounds. This send up some red flags with Mookie. Originally the plan was to vote off Boo and then Stacy, and now Alex and Edgardo want to keep Stacy around. Mookie knows Alex and Edgardo are really tight with Stacy so, in a final five situation, he and “Dreamz” would be on the outside. And then, just for good measure, Edgardo threatens Mookie again.

When we come back from commercial, Earl is having a ‘conversation’ with Casandra. I use the term conversation lightly because it is basically Earl inflating Casandra’s ego, and Casandra replying with “Mmm-Hmm”s and “Uhh-Huh”s. It’s sad that when she finally does get some air time she doesn’t actually say anything. But wait, there is hope! Casandra interviews that she has aligned with some old Ravu people, Earl, Michelle and Yau-Man, and was glad that “Dreamz” got to the merge so she can buddy up with him.

Alex asks if anybody wants to go for a group swim. Michelle gingerly trots off, leaving Mookie and “Dreamz” to discuss the new plan about keeping Stacy. Neither like it and “Dreamz” knows this means that he and Mookie would be out in a final five situation. He even says “point blank, no”. He says that he is looking forward to voting off Stacy, because she is kind of a bitch. Keep this is mind for later.

Challenge time! The tribes come in and Jeff tells them that they have to draw stones from a bag. They do and Jeff explains that they are still a merged tribe, but that they will be competing as two different groups. The losers go to tribal and the winners get immunity and a feast. The teams are like so: On the orange team is Earl, Yau-Man, Edgardo, Boo and Casandra. On the green team is Alex, Michelle, Stacy, Mookie and “Dreamz”. As soon as this happens I know one of four people is going home: Michelle, Stacy, Boo or Edgardo. If the green team loses it is obviously going to be Michelle or Stacy. Michelle has absolutely no alliances on that team, but everybody hates Stacy. If the orange team loses, it is obviously going to be Boo or Edgardo since Earl, Yau-Man and Casandra are three strong and wont vote for each other. I find it hard to root for a specific team because I sincerely like Michelle and Boo, who are both threatened, and I really hate Stacy and Edgardo, who are on opposite teams.

Anyways, the challenge goes like this. They have to memorize a pattern of symbols. Then they have to paddle out to three different posts where they have to recover three different bags with puzzle pieces inside. Once that it done they have to paddle to the finish and construct the puzzle correctly. Jeff says that the losing tribe will get a secret message. Even though I like Boo, I think it would have been in Earl’s best interest to throw the challenge because he had nothing to lose except a meal. If they went to tribal there was no chance of him going home, only Edgardo, who is a member of the opposite alliance, and Boo, who is a free agent. This would also guarentee that all of his alliance mates would be secure, because Michelle wouldn't be vulnerable. Unfortunately for Earl, Alex, “Dreamz”, Stacy and Mookie suck so much that they fall seriously behind and wind up losing the challenge. So that means that it is either Stacy or beloved Michelle who is going home. In another pin in the Michelle Voo-Doo doll, the message that Jeff alluded to before reads that they have to go immediately to Tribal Council. Michelle looks dejected and I think she knows that she is toast. Damn.

Back at camp, Edgardo worries for Alex, which is stupid. Alex isn't going anywhere. Earl thinks it’s a toss up between Stacy and Michelle and is bummed that whoever gets voted off doesn’t get to say goodbye to anybody. Which is completely true and kind of cruel, especially since everybody, you know, liked Michelle. Boo cooks, which makes my love for him triple.

Tribal Council. Jeff brings in the two members of our jury: Rocky, who walks in with his usual stupid swagger, and Lisi, who looks like she gained about twenty pounds in the three days since she has been gone. “Dreamz” says that the merge was like starting on day one and that he had friends from the old Moto and the new Ravu, so he is chill. Alex continues to bitch about how his lovely bed and shower were taken away. Mookie says that paranoia is starting to set in since new relationships are forming. He says that not being able to talk and strategize makes him paranoid. Stacy is worried because it’s a toss up between alliances. Which: What the hell? As far as I can see it is Alex, Stacy, “Dreamz” and Mookie against Michelle. Maybe it’s a good thing she never gets any air time.

Jeff then goes on to ruin the very twist that he announced earlier by basically asking everybody what their strategy is for voting people out. Quite hilariously, “Dreamz” says that he should vote out Stacy because she isn’t him. Good point. But remember, “Dreamz”, she is a major, major threat down the road to you and you really hate her. Those are also reasons to vote her out. Michelle says that a reason to vote out “Dreamz” is because she isn’t sure who he is aligned with. Mookie says a good reason to vote out Michelle is that “They were tight before, but she might have switched to the other side.” Wrong, asshole. It was you who switched to the other side and joined up with Alex, Edgardo and “Dreamz” instead of sticking with Anthony and Rocky. So don’t pull that bullcrap. Michelle then quite accurately states that they should get rid of Alex because, since this is now an individual game, he is a major threat in challenges whereas she, as a pathetic and lonely little girl, obviously sucks at all challenges. Alex seems to agree, because he hates women.

And then Alex pisses me right off with his smarmy, superior attitude of his. He has every right to do what he does, but the manner in which he does it just makes me want to reach through the screen and throttle him. He states that there isn’t a reason to get rid of Stacy. But Alex, she is a girl! And we all know that you hate girls! And old men. A real mystery, this guy. He says that he should vote out Michelle because “he doesn’t know her”. That, or because she is a girl. Jerk. He doesn’t have a reason to get rid of Mookie or “Dreamz” so he basically just told Jeff what his strategy was and who he was voting for. Jeff, of course, makes a point of this because he apparently hates girls too. And then it is time to vote.

Before I go on, lets just look at the situation for a minute. Alex, although I hate his guts, has a good reason to vote for Michelle. She is the only one he isn’t aligned with. Stacy, too, has a good reason to vote for Michelle since she isn’t aligned with her. Michelle has probably figured out that nobody is going to vote for Alex, “Dreamz” or Mookie so she has to vote for Stacy. Mookie and “Dreamz” here are the swing votes. If they were smart, they would get rid of Stacy. They have already realized that with her around they are getting final five at best. With Stacy gone, “Dreamz” could pull Casandra over and have a five person alliance with Casandra, Mookie and “Dreamz” in charge instead of Alex and Edgardo. Also, “Dreamz” really hates Stacy. In his own words, she was mean to him, she is fake and he just can’t wait to vote her out.

Unfortunately for us, “Dreamz” is about as smart as my left foot. There are two votes for Stacy and two votes for Michelle. The last vote is “Dreamz”s and it is for...Michelle. NOOOOO!!! WHY? “Dreamz” is now on my bad list because he is a stupid idiot. Michelle goes up and gets snuffed and does a cute little thumbs up on her way out, because she is just that freaking awesome.

Michelle just got screwed over three times in the same episode. First of all, she got screwed because she was put on a 'tribe' where she had no alliances. Then, I think Alex and Stacy might have thrown the challenge because they were basically guaranteed to eliminate one of Earl's alliance mates. Then (oh, and then) Michelle doesn't even get a chance to save herself! I am absolutely convinced that Michelle would still be here if she and Mookie had time to tell Dreamz that Stacy was the right choice.

Screwed over three times. And she didn't even get a chance to say good-bye to Earl and Yau-Man.

Jeff, in an uncharacteristic move, intervened in the process of plotting and deciding on whom to vote off by the line of questioning he pursued with the contestants on tribal counsel. After asking each individual for a reason to vote someone off, Jeff inexplicably repeated the same question for Alex and named a different contestant each time. This offered Alex the opportunity to share his voting plan with his friends as he made it clear that he only have reasons to vote off Michelle. His friends, with the exception of Mookie, followed his plan and voted Michelle off.

That was a very unsatisfying episode and one of the most unfair boots on Survivor in a long, long time. Her strategy in this game was deemed by many as excellent.

Next Week: Predictably, "Dreamz" opens his big mouth and screws his alliance over. Again. Mookie gets pissed at mild-tempered Casandra. Probably because she is a girl.