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Survivor Fiji: R+R
No, no, not that kind of R+R. This is Survivor. We're talking rants and raves. It's a darn hard job survivin' Survivor. After 14 seasons, we've suffered the agony of watching Michael Skupin toast his hands in the fire; we've fought the urge to toss the TV -- then jump -- out the window when Johnny Fairplay kept getting closer to the million; we belted out "I Am Woman" when Stephenie Lagrossa carried those two-ton buckets o' water with the guys.
So we, the viewers, deserve to yell, scream, clap, dance and visit the doctor to check our blood pressure after watching the how to outwit, outplay and outlast others in the game of life ... er, I mean Survivor.
That said, on with the show, Fiji-wise for now...
05.13.07
Congrats to Earl. Nice guy, nice game. Gonna give a half mil to his mom. I (like every Survivor fan, I suspect) am still shocked that Yau-Man won't be picking up the big check on CBS tomorrow morning, but for whatever reason, I don't hate Dreamz for reneging on the deal. And I'm happy that a nice person like Cassandra made it to the Final Three, no matter what certain pinheads might think.
Big winner.
Winner.
Winner. Maybe. I think.
Really big winner.Really.
This brings me to what I found more shocking than the Dreamz betrayal -- the pettiness at Tribal Council. Please, CBS, do whatever you can to avoid casting any more Lisis, Alexes, Edgardos and Mookies.
Lisi:: Why didn't you inhale the dart, so we'd been spared your immature game-playing, and your totally uncalled-for remarks during the final Tribal Council. You question Cassandra's choice of footwear for the game? Honey, you can only wish you had half of her class. I don't like name-calling, but in your case, I'll do it. Lisi, your name rhymes with witch.
Alex:: Good thing you're a handsome guy, because your personality sucks. Your Tribal Council behavior -- again, the rant against Cassandra -- was pathetic. You, Edgardo and Mookie are losers in more than the game of Survivor. Grow up. Your strategy sucked, and you didn't do anything to deserve to sit with Cassandra. Good riddance.
Edgardo:: Just read what I said about Alex.
Boo:: You seemed like an okay guy, but your "I'm a better Christian than you are" speech to Dreamz was, well, kinda creepy. And definitely patronizing. And I hate to tell you, but Survivor is a TV show; a game; a place where everyday people try to outwit, outplay and outlast each other. Are you familiar with that phrase? (Hint:: People have to fib when they appear on the show.)More to come...
The Oregonian
05.11.07
Now that I've recovered from my near heart attack watching the tribal council, I can breathe evenly enough to think about a few things.
Rave:: Yau-Man giving Dreamz the truck.
Potential rant:: Dreamz lies to Yau-Man, keeps the truck but doesn't save Yau-Man.
Rave:: Earl finding the re-hidden Immunity Idol.
Rant:: Yau-Man having to give his up. But heck, is he smart, or what?
Rave:: Earl and Yau-Man playing the game like Tina and Colby (Season 2). I'd hate to see them both in the final two, though, just because they're both so darn nice and Survivor-wise.
Rant:: Hellooo, people. Boo is strong. Boo can win immunity challenges. Boo can ruin your plans. Man, has he flown under the radar, or what?
Rave:: The twists and turns at tribal council. This season might not have as many "personalities" as some others, but the trickery and treachery has been wonderfully wicked.
Potential rant:: The doofballs (excluding Michelle) on the jury. I still dislike Mookie, Alex and Edgardo. I don't like smirkers -- that includes presidents and reality show contestants. It is enormously satisfying to see that threesome on the jury after gloating, calling Yau-Man old and wimpy, and screwing up every pin-headed plan they hatched.
Now. I think I'll take a couple of tranquilizers Sunday afternoon, so I can last through what I suspect will be a crazy wrap-up that evening, including the reunion show. I keep getting the feeling the Yau-Man/Dreamz truck deal is going to make me hyperventilate at some point.
Alas, another season ends. So until later,
The Oregonian
05.05.07
So many viewers are bored this season -- so I've read. But you know, any episode that lets us see Selfish Stacy getting bopped in the head by a side o' pork is worth seeing. A highlight to remember. And play again if you have Tivo. And again.
This week's rave:: Go, Alex, go Alex, go Alex, buh-bye. The Third Horseman bit the dust. Yay. He might be Perry Mason in the courtroom, but on the island, he'll be practicing his ... ahem ... excellent strategy as a juror. Hope he and Mookie enjoy their time with the others.
What an obnoxious -- I mean, odd -- mix this jury has become. Are these people spending time together awaiting the day they get to make the final two squirm?
Let's see, there's the retiring and shy Rocky; the quiet and all-around-nice-gal Lisi; and the warmth and quiet strength of Mookie, Edgardo and Alex. Oh, and Michelle (who should still be in the game). Note:: How in the heck is she handling her fellow jurors?
This week's rant:: Helloooooo, CBS. Stop recruiting the contestants. The regular, everyday people you used to choose for the show were waaaay more interesting. Though Yau-Man has been a fun twist. (I still enjoy his triumphs over the ever-gloating group of pinheads like Mookie and the guys.)
Another rant:: Okay, Jeff gave Cassandra a verbal whuppin' because she wasn't digging deep or fast enough during the Immunity Challenge. She's no Stephenie. We know this. But she's a nice woman. Unlike a lot of others gabbing on the web, I like Cassandra. Unless she has some evil habits we haven't been privy too, she's the kind of person I'd want to be stranded with. Do you think your chance to survive in, say a bomb shelter, with a Mookie would keep you alive longer? Well, no, because 1. He's not all that strong or bright; and 2. There'd be constant fist fights to make him listen, and you'd have no strength to survive. So I'd take Cassandra in the bomb shelter.
That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.
Until later,
The Oregonian
04.27.07
Well, duh. I finally decided to wrap up my thoughts from last night's show right her at the top. Not the bottom, where someone has to scroll through all my meanderings, but at the top. What an excellent idea! What came before is still, well, below. Now that I've unconfused myself (I think), let's roll with the R+R.
Big Rave (and this is important to the game):: Wow, did the foursome look good in those robes at the spa?
Earl, blue is your color. And Stacy, we like you in green (though we like nothing else about you). Yep, that was a heck of an episode, just to see the four stylin' in the robes.
Continued Rave:: Buh-Bye, Mookster. Don't come back now, y'hear? Finally, his torch is snuffed. I hope he and Edgardo have fun doing whatever it is the jury members do. The sun is shining -- Mookie is gone.
Rant:: Why is it that players like Mookie and Edgardo complain about players who "do nothing," but they don't seem to do much themselves? Of course, they dissed Cassandra for this concept, but I'm not quite sure I understand where their high-falutin' opinions of themselves come from. Oh yeah, Edgardo, you really had to suffer. Does it ever occur to these non-Stephenie/Colby/Ian types that maybe some of the people who cash the million dollar check should be the smartest player, by flying under the radar?
I can't get too indignant that the guys went through Yau-Man's stuff, considering that the Mighty Man did the very same thing to Sylvia. Somehow, though, it just seems ... I don't know ... like cheating?
The biggest question mark for me is Dreamz. I can't wait to see how much of his work is strategy, or how much was "man, I'm dang confused" thinking. So far, so good.
Will the Immunity Idol be found again? Will Alex be the next of The Four Horsemen to ride off into JuryLand? Geez, I hope so.
Until later,
The Oregonian (for earlier entries, scroll down)
The First Entry
Rant O' The Day:: What's up with the Neanderthals on Ravu? Hey, guys, in case you didn't notice, this is the 21st century. Most men -- let me repeat -- MEN, don't trash talk about women and cool guys like Anthony who refuse to pound their chests around the campfire.
Rave O' The Day:: At least you Neanderthals came to your senses (momentarily, at least) to wave buh-bye to Rocky. Sorry James, but when you play rock, paper, scissors, paper beats the rock every time. And Lisi had the paper -- an immunity idol clue on the scroll at Exile Island. And James, you're just one person on the jury, so it's likely you won't control the final outcome, like you announced after the tribe spoke. And the tribe did speak ... just not as loud as you, my man.
Until next time,
The Oregonian
Hey, R+R is for remembering and re-thinking, too. I just can't seem to recall how the heck did Chris Daugherty manage to beat Twila Tanner on Survivor: Vanuatu?
So what if Twila swore on her son's name; like that's the worst thing ever done during the game? And didn't Scout, the devil, plant herself in that honkin' big jungle gym Immunity Challenge so Twila couldn't get through the thing? Chris, on the other hand, climbed his way through the maze and a group of six women to grab the title. Twila, you wuz robbed.
Until next time,
The Oregonian
04.05.07
After intense study and preparation for tonight's episode, My R+R means ruminating about important Survivor -- if not world -- issues. You know, things like if Xena Warrior Princess had been on Pearl Islands with Johnny Fairplay, would she have whipped out that chakram and whisked him right off the tribe? Oh, the things we reflect on until Survivor is on.
Until next time (after the show),
The Oregonian
04.06.07 The Day After
From where I sit in beautiful Oregon (that's Orygun if you pronounce it correctly; Orygone if you don't), I'm dreaming about words. No, that's not it -- I'm thinking about how Dreamz stumbles over words. Like "soliloquy," for example. As the players snickered at his attempts to pronounce it, I realized I didn't think I could spell it without looking it up. And yes, out came the Webster's. At least Dreamz has the smarts to use a word correctly, unlike his tribemates who call a 54-year-old man "old," and women "girls." Especially when the old man and the girls kicked their rear ends -- again.
So Dreamz, who I wasn't feeling pro or con about, has jumped onto my "You-go-guy" meter.
Oh no, I fear I'm morphing into the wordy world of BobDawg. That said, here's my weekly R+R.
On the rant side, I'm shaking my head at ...
Stupid strategy 1:: Lisi telling her former Moto pals about the Immunity Idol. Boy, those guys sure know how to keep a secret. And she slept through the digging for it?
Stupid strategy 2:: Alex and Ed -- Helllllo! Mookie is literally holding that turtle necklace, otherwise known as the "you'll be on the jury before I am" necklace. Do you dudes really think he'd hand that thing over to you for any reason whatsoever? Am I missing something here? We're not talking Yao-man and Earl.
Stupid strategy 3: Calling your competitors "girls" and an "old man." News flash, guys -- the girls and the old man kicked your gym-toned derrieres to the boonies. Again. I have absolutely no desire to see Mookie, Alex and Edgardo go a step further. I don't even care if they're on the Reunion show.
But on the good side (of the island)::
Rave moment 1:: Yau-Man checking out those spears during the Immunity Challenge, much to Jeff's amusement. I was amused when the Yao-a-nator nailed the target, making a move to secure a win for the tribe.
Rave moment 2:: Yau-Man sinking to his knees in a stylin' move to channel his inner Robin Hood -- and totally securing immunity for Moto. Perhaps I'm petty, but I tempted to try some of Earl's Fiji dancin' after seeing the looks on the Ravu faces. (Man, did he know how to shake those leaves, or what?)
The Mighty Yau-ManRave moment 3:: Dreamz backflip during the Ravu's Lord Of The Fiji Dance performance. At least he tried.
As for Osten, oops, I mean, Lisi, good lord. Make up your mind; you sure spoke it enough. And then the tribe spoke. Could you really have been surprised?
So now we wait another week. Who knows (besides people who read spoilers) what will await our castaways?
Until next time,
The Oregonian
O4.14.07
The Rant:: After consulting the fifth horseman -- Mr. Ed, I've concluded that Mookie, Dreamz, Edgardo and Alex should be sent to the glue factory. Who to start with? How about the genius of Edgardo and Alex? What were they thinking when they told Mookie about the Immunity Idol? Did they know Mookie? No. Do they have the idol in their possession? No. Are they stupid enough to think Mookie's going to hand that piece o' bone over during tribal council? As Mookie has pointed out to us, not in this lifetime.
Oh, Dreamz. Before you joined the The Three Stooges to form The Four Horsemen, I had a dream. I envisioned the day you'd get revenge on the evil Stacy. I was already waving buh-bye to her before the vote was revealed.
Remember, Dreamz, this is the woman who mocked and ignored you on your original tribe. She refused to show you how to work that Mr. Coffee thingamajig. She wouldn't share her knowledge with Cassandra, either. You like Cassandra. You like coffee. Stacy dissed you, mister. And remember, your new friends didn't tell you about the Immunity Idol for quite awhile. So tell me, why in the h-e-doubletoothpicks were you thinking, my man?
My only consolation is that Stacy will not be getting any advertising endorsements from Starbucks, Maxwell House, Folgers, or any company affiliated with java.
The Evil StacyRave (or I'll just continue ranting):: Yau-Man. Awesome. Earl. Still cool from the Fiji dance. Cassandra:: The second edition of Cirie. I was hoping Michelle would join these three in the Final Four, but alas, it's not to be.
I have more to say, but I need to share some oats with Mr. Ed. The Four Horsemen? Ha.
Until next time,
The Oregonian
04.21.07
I've finally calmed down enough to record my rants and raves in a calm, well-thought-out manner. Incredible episode. Best tribal council ever on Survivor. That said, let the rambling begin.
Raves:: We'll start with some nice words. Cassandra. Earl. Yau-Man. Great twists. Nice yacht for Cassandra and her hand-picked threesome to celebrate her winning the challenge.
Rants:: I can't stand Mookie. I don't remember disliking any player as much as I dislike him. (At least Johnny Fairplay tried to be a rude pinhead.) Is it Mookie's constant gloating? Is it his overconfidence? Is it his inability to think he's not the smartest coconut on the island?
Mookie, Mighty (Not) MouthWhen Cassandra sent him to Exile Island (a brilliant move on her part), all he could talk about was voting her off. It wasn't the strategy, it wasn't because she's unpleasant or acts weird. it's because he's a wimp.
As for Edgardo, he didn't do anything for me until he made his closing remarks. Go review them -- watch his video, or read what he said. I'll try to get this verbatim. After he blah-blahed about the great experience, he said, "Yau-Man and Cassandra, you know, should hopefully get voted off next week because I don't like you very much."
Cassandra, we really like youClass act, Eddie. Yau-Man and Cassandra appear to be two of the nicest people to play Survivor. Don't tell me the editing crew to do that much to make them look good.
You intimated, Mr. Ed, that they didn't deserve to win the million. As always, when someone whines about who doesn't "deserve" the bucks after getting the boot, I wonder:: If that particular person doesn't "deserve" the million, then why are they still in the game, after your torch is snuffed?
Maybe I should direct my rant at CBS. Perhaps you could stop granting good-looking twenty- or thirtysomething single guys a chance to be on Survivor. The last few seasons has had more than enough of the young studs who think women (always "girls") and anyone over 40 should be ridiculed. (Yul, of course, is most certainly an exception here.)
Yul:: class act, good guy And on the female side, geez, enough of the buxom bimbos. Or the selfish bit... well, you know what I mean. I'll take a Twila or a Tina or a T-Bird (Teresa) over well, Stacy, for example. (In real life, I don't hold grudges. But I'm still steamed at how rude she was to Dreamz and Cassandra over that stupid coffeemaker.) And it was hard seeing the much-sweeter Michelle sitting on the jury, when she should have been sitting next to Earl.
I'm afraid for my blood pressure next week. So help me, if Mookie gets Yau-Man's Immunity Idol, well, well, well, I can hurl a remote control with the accuracy of a major league pitcher.
I can't begin to discuss Dreamz. He's either a semi-genius, or a total doofus. Guess it doesn't matter; he's still in the game. I'm not sure he knows what game he's playing, but he's in it to win it -- at least in his mind.
Until later,
The Oregonian
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